August 22, 2011

Warm Flowery Feel

After reading the title, you might be thinking: "what..!? ><"

That's what I feel deep down in my heart right now.. Haha.. xD

August 15, 2011

End of a Blogger?

I hardly touch this blog nowadays as I do most of my catching up with friends on Facebook or MSN. Yes I don't have a Tweeter or Tumblr account as I do not see the need for it. So I wonder.. Should I just close this account?

Or Maybe I'll just leave it on the internet to remind me that at one time in my life, this was where I found solace and comfort during hard times... :)

August 1, 2011

Working World

As time progresses, the closer I am to entering the working world. I do not know when that time will be, but I feel it's coming real soon..

Just before the day ends, I think about all the things that have led to this very moment in my life: High school, University, the friends I made during all those times, etc. Every bit of it was put in place to mold me into the person I am now. It's as if God timed everything so well to prepare me for what is to come. Haha..

Thank you Lord, but also thank you to all my friends, family and also teachers and lecturers who have supported me all this while. =)

I don't know what the working world and/or future holds, but God has never given up on me, and I have seen it not only in me but in others as well. I do have my doubts and fears, but I know God will see it through till the end that all will be well. Dear readers, those who are already in the working world and those who are going into it, just remember that God is always watching over us, and we can look at life positively no matter how harsh it seems. For there will be rewards so long as we endure. =)

Working world, here I come~! Godspeed~!!

July 17, 2011

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

I've been sorta inactive lately. Internet being at an all-time low means I cannot do my daily facebook/MSN and manga sessions. xD

But instead I decided to maintain my jogging sessions which have helped considerably since I got back. But I believe that I should also start doing other workouts such as push ups and pull ups. I keep saying that I'll do them but I never get to work on them. Haiz... I gotta stop being lazy! ><"

Speaking of which, notice the title of this post? Yes, it's the title of a book I've started reading lately. It gives insights on how men and women communicate; how different men and women are; and why because of not understanding these things, relationships usually fail.

It's been a really good read. I've yet to finish it, and I'm thanking God for giving me the opportunity to get hold of this book. Whether you're single or in a relationship, do spend some time on this book. You will not regret it. =)

July 13, 2011


It's time to stop acting like a kid and become more mature than before. =)

July 10, 2011

Under Control

Not much has been going on lately. I'm still lazying at home, although I do catch up on the news and jog every now and then.

This blog post signifies several things going on in life right now, which I'll number as you read along..


There haven't been any family arguments for the past few weeks.. There was one several more weeks ago, but apart from that my family is happy and peaceful. This is all thanks to my mom, who is more faithful to God than I can ever be, who always kept praying and praying for peace in the family.. Who always always never gave up hope. Thanks mom. =)


It's that time again. Haha.. But I don't want to repeat mistakes in the past anymore. I may have a crush now, but I'm controlling myself really well. Friends out there, you don't have to worry about me doing anything stupid. Because I won't.


We've seen and heard on the news about the recent tragedies in Kuala Lumpur. Last Saturday's rally was violent indeed. Are things really under control, you ask? I believe that it isn't just yet. But the fact that the people are fighting for their deserved rights means something.

I'm not so much concerned about how the rally started, but how it is impacting society in Malaysia. Businesses and roads have to be closed, the police have to resolve to violent measures, etc.. My friends in Malaysia could be trapped in this chaos, and I don't want to see that happen. I'm worried, yet assured that they are safe no matter where they are.

I'll continue to pray for Malaysia in this time of crisis. I do hope you can too. =)

July 2, 2011


I'm Taurus. I'm stubborn. That has been a trait that has had more bad outcomes than good. Last night got me thinking how stubborn I was at learning new and old things alike. Why some old teachings never seem to sink into my thick-headed brain? Why don't I have the passion to learn anything new? Past experiences have repeated over and over and I don't seem to learn my lesson..

And also while I was thinking this, it also got me thinking: Am I now merely blaming my stubbornness for all that has happened? Obviously not, but it's one of the main contributing factors, if not the only one.

Then again, stubbornness is what makes me... me. If I remove that.. I'd become someone totally different. For better or for worse?

I don't know....

June 29, 2011

Jogging At Last

Today was the first time I went jogging since I got back, and I feel great! xD Looking forward to more jogging sessions.

June 23, 2011

Before and Now

I was thinking about the kind of person I was before I entered uni, and now after completing my degree. I've yet to graduate though xD.

But all I can say is that I have come a long way and grown so much. =)

June 21, 2011

Eyes opened, Heart Enlightened

I've been reading up on a lot of things lately. Bible and novels are a few things I read now. Lately I've picked up another interest - researching relationships. I read up on proper ways of courting girls, why girls don't like nice guys, and mid-life crises. Yes, my research does not just span across girlfriend and boyfriend, but also how family behaviours.

I am interested in the latter because once you raise a family, you'd want your family to be in the best environment possible. Not one with violence and constant heated arguments, where the children and wife especially will be affected. I've lived in a family where a lot of unnecessary suffering has to be experienced, and I want to learn how to avoid this. What do the common public have to say about this? What do they say can be ways to predict such outcomes and what is the solution to them?

I have yet to cover this in the Bible, but I'm sure there's a solution or two hidden somewhere. =)


With this in mind, my girl-chasing basis has changed. I now know what I want. But I will also ask myself: "What would God want of me?"

June 9, 2011

The Key in the Dream

Several months ago, I had a dream about me and a girl. We were friends, and still are today. In that dream however, we were arguing in her house. After arguing for a while, she grabbed her purse and headed for the front door. Before she left, she turned around and passed me the house key.

"Put it in the drawer, its usual place," she said before leaving the house.

She referred to a little retractable drawer at the side of the front door on the outside of the house. I knew where it was in that dream. However, I did not want to put the key there. I held onto it very tightly and ran home.


The significance of the dream is basically how I treated the girl and a sign of the things that would take place in the months to come. Indeed, I argued badly with the friend sometime in mid-March..

And in the dream she told me to put the key back. The key meant "being friends", and nothing more. We were friends, but I wanted us to be more than friends.. Hence, I did not put the key back. I wanted to hold on to the key and hope that my wish may come true in the future.

Now, after what I've been through in the past few months, which was the dramatic experience I mentioned in my previous post, I've come to realise that it's better off me and the girl stay as friends. =) What's good and also what I'm very grateful for is, the girl still treated me as a friend despite all that has happened. =)

I'm ready and willing to put the key back in its rightful place.. =)


Something I want to share =)

June 8, 2011

Beginning of the Summer

Not much has happened since I got back home. I managed to talk more with my family, catch up on an anime (ONE PIECE!), met up with some friends and most importantly got a haircut at last! :)

Something else happened.. My recent love life took a very huge twist and has become one of the most dramatic experiences I've faced so far. I will not mention anything about this yet, but in time I will. But, for those who are concerned, I'll let you know that I was kind of devastated when I heard about the twist, but as of now I am perfectly fine. So don't worry. ;)


June 1, 2011

Back at Home

Perhaps I lied to myself that I didn't miss home.. I actually love being home right now, and can't wait to spend more time with my family.. Truth is, I've been wanting to go out with friends so much that I forget the joy of just being with your family, even though your family isn't the happiest one and one that goes through so much pain.

Whatever I felt last time about my family, I take it back now.. Maybe because I'm graduating and have become older, that I feel that I should treasure my family more. Haha. ^^"

I'm about to graduate and I have a lot of mixed feelings. One big chapter of my life has just ended.. All those four years, gone by so fast. The next chapter awaits... But right now...

It's good to be home. =)

April 5, 2011

This is it

The final week before FYP submission has arrived. We all have been worn out and have cried in our hearts, but let's face this one last tough week, and do our very best!

All the best to all the FYP students (Years 3 and 4 alike). =)


March 23, 2011

I let you go. Be free.

"I let you go. Be free."

I put that as my MSN personal message several days ago. A few days after that, I had a short MSN chat with the girl in mind. She said we can still be friends. How true that is, I do not know and I will not be bothered by it anymore.

There's more to life than just one girl, and also one situation where I did not watch my actions and words carefully. I will learn from this.

This experience, helped me see how many friends were willing to listen to my sorrow and help me get back up, even just by listening. Not only that, it also helped me see that when I was just focusing on one friend (whom I don't know whether we'll be really friends now), my real friends were always watching out for me, even though they didn't say much and only could sympathize with me, they were there to pick me up from my fall again and again. Without you all, I couldn't have come this far. Thank you for being there for me. =)

God, this is what I choose to do. I'm moving on. Perhaps this was what you wanted me to do all this time, but I was just stubborn. But I'm moving on.

If God is willing, may we have a fresh start and be friends again. But if this will be the last time we'll ever talk or meet, then let me say this:

Although it was brief, although it didn't end well, I am still glad I got to know you, M. =)

March 20, 2011

All I'll do right now is wait

Given myself days and days to think about this, I have come to this simple conclusion that should've been easy to think of. Doubts and emotions clouded my thoughts, but now this is what I have come to conclude, or rather, what I want to do now:

"A teacher is ready to help a student, only if the student wants to ask questions and seek help from the teacher."

Likewise, I am ready to accept this girl back as a friend, only if she wants to befriend me back. Wishful thinking will never get us anywhere. So..

"I am ready to welcome you back as a friend. But all I will do now is wait. If you want to come back, you know where to find me."

March 19, 2011

I'm not ready and so aren't you

I tried chatting with her on MSN last night, but I could even tell I wasn't ready. I tried to make the conversation normal, but even I felt that there was some awkwardness in the "normality" of it. I had to keep the conversation really short - probably the shortest conversation I've had with anybody on MSN. Thank goodness I had help from my sis at that time to tell me to keep it real short since I've started, and also that I shouldn't have started.

Although very protective and careful, and putting up a strong guard, she at least replied. (Thanks.)

I'm not ready yet to talk to you normally, and neither are you prepared to accept me back as a friend. I don't know what you are thinking deep down inside, but I'm sure whatever it is, as long as I keep trying too hard, I'll only make the situation worse and force you to take drastic measures.

I felt that I should start somewhere because I have to see her in person on Monday at a meeting. It was unwise of me to have started the conversation, but like I said, I had to start somewhere..

It's too soon.. (So) Take it easy.. Take your time, the-girl-in-mind.

Things don't always look as bad as they seem

Another girl problem sprung up recently, where I see that a friend of mine was starting to avoid me because she thinks I'm desperate to get her as a girlfriend. Well yeah honestly I still like this girl, but my feelings have been toying with me and I didn't control them well again, and hence this problem happened (again).

It's a good thing I have a friend that is on talking terms with her, so he can help me find out more about how she views me and such. But I don't want to keep using him.. Plus, he really plans to help me, but only to a certain extent.

Right now, I just thank God that I can control these emotions a lot better. The past few days were horrible for me as I was emo-ing about this issue (there's more to this but I will not reveal it here). So anyway, it's nothing to be emo about now, but to stand strong, and if possible fix it naturally (without rushing).

And when I thought things were really falling apart, this friend keeps assuring me it's not as bad as I think it is. I'll do what I can to set things right, but only very carefully this time.


FYP has been bugging me a lot.. There's less than 1 month to go to finish it, and I don't see that i have progressed much. But this was a good time to find out about this matter and try to settle it.

Anyhow, I'll let God come into my life and give me guidance on what I have to do now and in the near future. =) I've trusted my heart and mind too much, and I keep falling. I should listen to him more.


"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.
In all ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."


To the girl friend I'm referring to in this post, if you are reading this just know that I will not act awkward anymore. Rest assured. It'll be fine. Like I said (indirectly), "Give me time to normalize" =)

March 4, 2011


Yup.. I slacked. I slacked for the entire afternoon yesterday and did not do any work or studies. But it felt good and it was a good relief from all the stress that was building up. I really needed that break. And now I feel a lot better =)

So how has life been up til now? FYP is still behind schedule at the moment, but I feel this small gleam of hope. Like no matter how bad it is, all will be well. So from now on I'll keep telling myself: "Do your best. Do not fret. All will be well." =)

Apart from all this, I've also decided to really step down from all the Graphics works in Music Society. I believe my team members can handle things on their own, and I'll have to appoint a leader soon enough to lead them. I have a few names in mind, but there several reasons why I just can't appoint them to assist me full-time. But then again, I have no choice and I'm running out of time. This is something I should've done a long time ago.. (Okay, I'm not making sense anymore lol)

It's 1.19 pm and I'm eating breakfast now. That's rather late. But then again I slept pretty late last night. I'll slack a little more and get started on work soon.


February 15, 2011

Practice Practice Practice

That's what we need to improve our familiarity with any subject, tool, or program, or even when socialising. Even though I was down till last night, I got back up after chatting with a friend. Felt a lot better and started doing some Year 2 Maths. Why? I'll need it so that I can understand what is going on in one of my modules this semester. Haha.

The weather today is reasonable. Rained a bit earlier and was refreshing.. Had a good lunch with a good old friend and met up with some friends today. Hehe.

Life's been changing a bit since I started to change my ways. Of course, several bad things did happen too and not proud of it. =/ But anyhow.. I will not not do my best again.

Let's hope that FYP will be lenient on me~


February 14, 2011

Emo.. Like.. Really emo..

Shit.. I never thought seeing my results would make me this emo. I kept saying I'll get back up and I'll get back up, but I can't...

Others have gotten such good results and had fun at the same time.. I had help from smart students yet I scored so badly. Obviously lack of preparation is to blame. The pain is so great now..

But after a good rest.. Perhaps I can get up again..

February 13, 2011

Happy Valentine's Day~!!

To all my girl friends, may you have a happy and blessed Valentine's day!! :D For the single ladies, may something interesting happen for you all. Hehehe. And for the ones with boyfriends, I hope that your bfs would make this day very special for you all.. ;)

Oh, and Happy Valentine's to the guys too. xD


February 10, 2011


I feel awkward. It's like, I am focused and naturally will get distracted by Facebook and MSN from time to time (and I can control this). But maybe the pressure and stress are very high this time around that I feel so lifeless and demotivated every day..

So I thank God for every little funny and enjoyable thing that happens which also helps me not think about what I'm going through but enjoy life a little at the same time. =)

Class today was interesting. But applying it in studies, group activities and eventually in my workplace is something that isn't so easy.. =/ But it has caught my interest.. So I believe I can pull through well with this module =)

My focus is still here, though it fluctuates every now and then.. Still finding a way to balance life, FYP and studies right now.. Such a surmounting task.. But I believe I can do it!! =D

To all people in Years 3 and above, all the best!! =D



I feel awkward. It's like, I am focused and naturally will get distracted by Facebook and MSN from time to time (and I can control this). But maybe the pressure and stress are very high this time around that I feel so lifeless and demotivated every day..

So I thank God for every little funny and enjoyable thing that happens which also helps me not think about what I'm going through but enjoy life a little at the same time. =)

Class today was interesting. But applying it in studies, group activities and eventually in my workplace is something that isn't so easy.. =/ But it has caught my interest.. So I believe I can pull through well with this module =)

My focus is still here, though it fluctuates every now and then.. Still finding a way to balance life, FYP and studies right now.. Such a surmounting task..

February 7, 2011

More Focused.. More Determined

Well what the title says.. It's my final semester, and I'm not going to fool around anymore. I will regret not working my best all these years and for disappointing a lot of people, but at least if I can do the best of my best this semester, I won't feel too bad. Haha.

One more time, one more chance..! I'll aim up high for my family, my friends, myself and my God! =)

That means --> TF-hunting, anime/manga watching, and frequent eating-out sessions are all ON HOLD! Other things will have to be controlled as well. But no worries. I'll still be on MSN at a fixed time at night if you don't see me at all.. Haha. =)


February 4, 2011

Difference in Me

Let's just say that I believe I now know what I must do for my final uni semester. =)

But that's not really why I wanna put this post up. The reason being - I am so different on the internet and in real life. I don't want to say too much, but I'm sure friends would know what I'm talking about. Haha..

So it occurred to me that.. This is something that I should work on, and at the same time not worry too much about.. Then again, I've been doing this for all my life, and nothing's changed. Hmm..

Perhaps less internet-interaction and more real-life-socializing should do the trick? Just thinking..

Cheerios~ and Happy Chinese New Year! =)

February 1, 2011

Something's not right

Yes, something is not right. Why am I always emo-ing? Why am I always down? Why am I always negative or pessimistic? Well sure, I am pessimistic by nature.. But then the title of the blog don't suit me does it? Hahaha..

So I'm tired of regretting mistakes, I'm tired of being so pessimistic among other things.. and I'm tired of this version of me. I'm gonna change, and I'm gonna change for the better! =)A Christian friend of mine however says:

"Change the way God wants you to change."

I'll do just that. =)


January 23, 2011

Learned the Hard Way

What the title says. Exams again have not been fair with me. This time, I seriously put in a lot more effort than in previous years. Heck, still, I didn't do well.. ='( What reasons were there? I shall not mention them, or I'll break down and emo again..

But truth is, after emo-ing and talking to my good old friends and sister about it, I found a way out.. I finally saw something. And friends upon friends have warned me of this before.. Why did I have to wait so long to realise this? I could've easily fixed it.. But no.. I just had to stray away as usual.

But then, now that I know what should be fixed first, I'll see to it that my last semester will be fruitful. But even if it doesn't, God has a good reason for it. And His reason for me constantly falling was:

"Because I am a numbskull, and thus I have to be hit real hard to know something."

Hahaha.. But thanks Lord. :')

I shall go now. I probably won't blog anymore after this since I've started my e-diary. But for those friends out there, you know where to find me. :)