March 23, 2011

I let you go. Be free.

"I let you go. Be free."

I put that as my MSN personal message several days ago. A few days after that, I had a short MSN chat with the girl in mind. She said we can still be friends. How true that is, I do not know and I will not be bothered by it anymore.

There's more to life than just one girl, and also one situation where I did not watch my actions and words carefully. I will learn from this.

This experience, helped me see how many friends were willing to listen to my sorrow and help me get back up, even just by listening. Not only that, it also helped me see that when I was just focusing on one friend (whom I don't know whether we'll be really friends now), my real friends were always watching out for me, even though they didn't say much and only could sympathize with me, they were there to pick me up from my fall again and again. Without you all, I couldn't have come this far. Thank you for being there for me. =)

God, this is what I choose to do. I'm moving on. Perhaps this was what you wanted me to do all this time, but I was just stubborn. But I'm moving on.

If God is willing, may we have a fresh start and be friends again. But if this will be the last time we'll ever talk or meet, then let me say this:

Although it was brief, although it didn't end well, I am still glad I got to know you, M. =)

March 20, 2011

All I'll do right now is wait

Given myself days and days to think about this, I have come to this simple conclusion that should've been easy to think of. Doubts and emotions clouded my thoughts, but now this is what I have come to conclude, or rather, what I want to do now:

"A teacher is ready to help a student, only if the student wants to ask questions and seek help from the teacher."

Likewise, I am ready to accept this girl back as a friend, only if she wants to befriend me back. Wishful thinking will never get us anywhere. So..

"I am ready to welcome you back as a friend. But all I will do now is wait. If you want to come back, you know where to find me."

March 19, 2011

I'm not ready and so aren't you

I tried chatting with her on MSN last night, but I could even tell I wasn't ready. I tried to make the conversation normal, but even I felt that there was some awkwardness in the "normality" of it. I had to keep the conversation really short - probably the shortest conversation I've had with anybody on MSN. Thank goodness I had help from my sis at that time to tell me to keep it real short since I've started, and also that I shouldn't have started.

Although very protective and careful, and putting up a strong guard, she at least replied. (Thanks.)

I'm not ready yet to talk to you normally, and neither are you prepared to accept me back as a friend. I don't know what you are thinking deep down inside, but I'm sure whatever it is, as long as I keep trying too hard, I'll only make the situation worse and force you to take drastic measures.

I felt that I should start somewhere because I have to see her in person on Monday at a meeting. It was unwise of me to have started the conversation, but like I said, I had to start somewhere..

It's too soon.. (So) Take it easy.. Take your time, the-girl-in-mind.

Things don't always look as bad as they seem

Another girl problem sprung up recently, where I see that a friend of mine was starting to avoid me because she thinks I'm desperate to get her as a girlfriend. Well yeah honestly I still like this girl, but my feelings have been toying with me and I didn't control them well again, and hence this problem happened (again).

It's a good thing I have a friend that is on talking terms with her, so he can help me find out more about how she views me and such. But I don't want to keep using him.. Plus, he really plans to help me, but only to a certain extent.

Right now, I just thank God that I can control these emotions a lot better. The past few days were horrible for me as I was emo-ing about this issue (there's more to this but I will not reveal it here). So anyway, it's nothing to be emo about now, but to stand strong, and if possible fix it naturally (without rushing).

And when I thought things were really falling apart, this friend keeps assuring me it's not as bad as I think it is. I'll do what I can to set things right, but only very carefully this time.


FYP has been bugging me a lot.. There's less than 1 month to go to finish it, and I don't see that i have progressed much. But this was a good time to find out about this matter and try to settle it.

Anyhow, I'll let God come into my life and give me guidance on what I have to do now and in the near future. =) I've trusted my heart and mind too much, and I keep falling. I should listen to him more.


"Trust the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding.
In all ways submit to Him, and He will make your paths straight."


To the girl friend I'm referring to in this post, if you are reading this just know that I will not act awkward anymore. Rest assured. It'll be fine. Like I said (indirectly), "Give me time to normalize" =)

March 4, 2011


Yup.. I slacked. I slacked for the entire afternoon yesterday and did not do any work or studies. But it felt good and it was a good relief from all the stress that was building up. I really needed that break. And now I feel a lot better =)

So how has life been up til now? FYP is still behind schedule at the moment, but I feel this small gleam of hope. Like no matter how bad it is, all will be well. So from now on I'll keep telling myself: "Do your best. Do not fret. All will be well." =)

Apart from all this, I've also decided to really step down from all the Graphics works in Music Society. I believe my team members can handle things on their own, and I'll have to appoint a leader soon enough to lead them. I have a few names in mind, but there several reasons why I just can't appoint them to assist me full-time. But then again, I have no choice and I'm running out of time. This is something I should've done a long time ago.. (Okay, I'm not making sense anymore lol)

It's 1.19 pm and I'm eating breakfast now. That's rather late. But then again I slept pretty late last night. I'll slack a little more and get started on work soon.